For an introvert, social distancing is a dream (minus the killer virus).
There’s still small talk, but at least it’s over text, so you can take 3 hours to think of a response to “how are you?”
Once in a while, you have to get on a video call, but nobody sees your pants, so you can stay in your sweats.
You get to pretty much live your normal life while getting praised and feeling like you’re saving humanity.
However, this is not the full story for me. I’m a “sociable” introvert. Technically, I’m a “thinking” introvert (I think). I prefer to go deep into introspection and thought before jumping into a conversation about something.
(Many of you are saying, “he’s an enneagram 5!” But I refuse to talk about the enneagram. I guess I just did though…moving on.)
I enjoy being with people if it’s in small doses and in small groups. I love hanging out with good friends, especially one-on-one or in small groups.
So I love social distancing, but I also hate social distancing.
Introversion is having its day (alone) in the sun in recent years, in large part due to Susan Cain’s 2012 book, Quiet. In that book, Cain argues that society has undervalued introverts and that an “Extrovert Ideal” has developed in western societies.
The open office is an example of this Extrovert Ideal, where everyone works in the same big room with no walls or partitions. When I worked in an open office, I absolutely hated it. It was far too much stimulation for me — you can hear everyone’s conversations, see everyone’s face, hear everyone’s exasperated sighs or groans.
(Straight talk, office sighers, do you really need to let everyone know every time something goes the slightest bit wrong?)
The open office was likely implemented by extroverted (and perhaps narcissistic) managers who assumed everyone worked the same way that they did. I may be bitter.
But just because introverts don’t like open offices and large groups, it doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t like people.
Psychologist Jonathan Cheek has researched introverts and developed a model of four shades of introversion: social, thinking, anxious, and restrained. Of course, there is much overlap between these categories, but Cheek found each introvert does tend to manifest his or her introversion in one predominant way.
Social introverts are probably closest to the stereotype — they prefer being alone over being with people, and small groups over large groups. However, this preference is not anxiety-driven like the next group.
Anxious introverts are the classic shy, socially-awkward folks. They tend to worry about how they will look in social settings, even when they’re alone.
Restrained introverts move at a slower pace and need time to transition from one activity or mindset into another. These individuals are definitely not “morning people”.
Thinking introverts easily get lost in their thoughts and prefer to think about a concept before they talk about it. These people tend to have too many ideas and not enough acting on those ideas. But these people do enjoy social events in moderation.
The worst thing for a thinking introvert is to have to talk about something they haven’t thought about. Pro tip from a thinking introvert: if you want to have a serious conversation, warn us about the topic of discussion beforehand. It gives us time to think and as a result, the discussion will be much more productive.
So what’s it like to be a “sociable” introvert during a pandemic?
On the one hand, it’s great to be free from some social obligations. It gives me time to devote to some other projects and hobbies (such as writing and reading).
In normal life, I have a hard time saying no to social affairs, partly because I like them in moderation, but also because I am afraid of hurting friends’ and family’s feelings. Imposed isolation solves that problem.
I have more energy because I’m not drained from social interaction. Zoom meetings and text messages do take up relational capacity, but less than face-to-face interactions, especially in large group settings.
However, I am going slightly stir crazy like most other people. I try to take walks a couple of times per day, exercise often and otherwise live healthily. These activities prevent me from feeling like the walls are closing in too much.
I rarely say this, but I’m definitely missing social interaction. There is something about meeting friends for dinner, or having my brother over for a basketball game that is missing from my life.
I miss going to church, connecting with that community and worshipping together in the same place. Silence and solitude are spiritual practices I’m enjoying in this time, but I also have a need for corporate spiritual connection.
If I’m feeling constrained during this pandemic as an introvert, I can’t imagine how extroverts are feeling. Yes, we are all lucky to have technology to help with the need for human interaction, but it’s just not the same.
But I know that whether we are introverted or extroverted, this isolation is forcing us to take a breath — and there is a blessing in that. Because we can’t hide behind our routines and busy schedules. We have time to think about who we are, what we feel and what we want.
Maybe a little isolation is what we need to re-focus our lives. The question is, can we keep this focus when our calendars fill up again.
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